Trans* Rant

Hello Minions! This topic is pretty important to me, because I am Transgender, FtM. I’m warning you though, this will most likely be long and unorganized, for I am not good with words. XD Here goes nothing!

Most people know about Transgender, or Transsexuality. There are a lot of Trans* people out there, yet SO many people are stuck in this idea that Trans* (or any LGBT thing) is wrong, fake, for attention, a sin, ect. I find this really hard to deal with, and have actually lost friends because I told them I am Gay, Bi, or Trans*. The big problem with this is that people with hate on Trans* people, but they don’t know what it’s like to be stuck in the wrong body. I am a guy, but I physically have a female body. Do you know how hard that is? You constantly have people calling you by the wrong name, wrong pronouns, and a lot of them don’t care. They think that just because they knew you as a girl, they can continue saying that you are a girl. My name is Alex Wolf, but my birth name is Assa Rhiannon. That’s not a bad name, it’s just not right for me. My family is pretty accepting of me, but they still forget to call me Alex, and to use male pronouns. They don’t want me to get stuck in something that I’ll regret later, but they don’t understand that I won’t regret doing anything that lets me be who I am. I hate my body, I really do. It’s a hard thing to live with, hating your body, and it’s worse when you self-harm. I’ve been cutting for a long time, over a year, and it’s one of the only things that helps me feel. It grounds me, but it also makes me see that this is real, and I’m not just stuck in some terrible nightmare. Living isn’t that bad, my family isn’t bad, my friends aren’t bad, but hating myself when everyone else says that I’m amazing is bad. Having to hurt my body to feel alive is bad. Not being able to tell people is bad. Not being able to ask for help is bad. My scars going away is bad. Wanting them back is worse. I will never feel right without the marks on my body. I know I have over a hundred marks, and there are always new ones appearing. I have had moments where I feel like I’ve left my body, where I am watching from the inside, and I can’t stop myself from cutting. Most of the time I don’t even feel pain, and it’s the blood that brings me back, lets me put a fake smile on, show everyone that I’m fine, that I don’t need help, that I haven’t cut. I know my parents are going to read this, they both follow me, I just hope they don’t try to talk to me about anything that I’ve said. That’s too much for me. I’m not good with feelings, I’m not good at letting them out. I can’t say how I feel to other people, I just have to feel it. I hope that this means something for you, and if you feel like this, feel free to talk to me. I may not respond immediately, but I will listen, and I will try to help you. Please don’t hurt yourself, and please don’t kill yourself. It gets better, and, if no one else does, I love you all. ❤ 


Hallo, Readers

Thank you for reading, if you have found my blog. I just started today, so obviously I don’t have any other posts, but I will try to post once a day. This blog is for my writing, I do a lot of poetry and spoken word, but I might also just have some posts where I write about something, without it being in poem/spoken word format. I will also be trying to put some spoken word videos on YouTube, and if I do I will put a link on here, just in case any of you want to see that. Smile and have a nice day!